Stay Signed In
Do you want to access your site more quickly on this computer? Check this box, and your username and password will be remembered for two weeks. Click logout to turn this off.
Stay Safe
Do not check this box if you are using a public computer. You don't want anyone seeing your personal info or messing with your site.
I sat back looking at the stars and began to think.. where the HECK is my roof?!
There's a *NEW* Mexico?!?
I'm telling you officer, I'm not drunk!
Dain Bramaged.
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most.
I love cats...they taste just like chicken
>> I am nobody, no body is perfect, therefore i am perfect! ;)
Reality: An illusion due to lack of alcohol.
[Roses are red, Violets Are blue, When god gave brains, Where the hell where you :|]
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them.
[When I want your opinion, I'll beat it out of you]
-=Hard work pays off later, laziness pays off now!!=-
They say hard work never hurts anybody, but why take the chance!
Dont steal, the government hates competition!
Yes.. It was I who let the dogs out!
[2 + 2 = 5] for extremely large values of 2.
My cat's name is mittens!
Roses r red Violets r blue God made me beautiful But what the hell did he do to you!
Act your age, not your shoe size!
God created man first because you always make a rough draft before a masterpiece!
~*~What happens if you get scared half to death 2 timez?~*~
Dig a lil hole Planet a lil seed Grow a lil tree Smoke a lil weed
You cant have everything, Where would u put it?
You were so cute as a baby... what happened?!?
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception
Don't think of yourself as an ugly person. Think of yourself as a beautiful monkey!
My door is always open so feel free to leave
This DOG is a good DOG way DOG to keep an fool DOG busy DOG. Read this again without DOG.
Be selfish just once... If your upset, take someone elses life instead of your own!
I love ur smile and ur eyes...Damn im good at telling lies! :D
I'd Get Up And Do Something With Myself, But I'd Rather Stay In Bed!
:) My darling my love, my beautiful wife. Marrying you screwed up my life :S
Why do our noses run and our feet smell?!?!
Those are my principles. If you don't like them... I have others.
You may be only young once, but you can be immature forever!
I couldn't fix your brakes, so I made your horn louder!
Hate: A special kind of love given to people who suck
(8)roll roll roll ur joint, gently down the line, take a toke, inhale dat smoke, and blow ur friggin mind!(8)
Damn right I'm good in bed i can sleep for hours!
Now that I have a gun...u may run or hide :P
Knowledge Is Knowing That A Tomato Is A Fruit, Wisdom Is Not Putting It In A Fruit Salad.
God made elfs God made deers God made u such a queer
Im not crazy, ask mr bunny and mrs dodo here
If u want breakfast in bed, sleep in the kitchen
In jail u get food, in jail u get tea, in jail u get anything butt... the KEY!
I have a picture of u, I think its very nice, I put it under my bed... 2 scare away the mice!
I tought u were crazy, now i c ur nuts!
DINNER IS READY WHEN THE SMOKE ALARM GOES OFF!
Life's a game. FISHING IS SERIOUS!
Be kool.. Dont go to school :D
Silence is Golden.. But Shouting IS fun!
It Worries Me How Dumb You Are
Roll roll roll your joint, twist down the end, take a puff thats enough, pass it to a friend!
I'm like a butterfly.. pretty to see, hard to catch
Life is 4 living, Love is for giving!
Love is like a quicksand, the deeper you fall in, the harder it is to get out!
Love is like a baseball game 3 strikes and ure... OUT!
a million words wud not bring u bak i kno coz iv tried - but neither wud a million tears...i kno coz iv cried
When tears flow in your eyes... Always remember two things: I'm here and I care
I love you more then yeterday, and less then tomorrow
Love comes and goes but friends stay forever!
A memory lasts forever, never does it die. True friends stay together and never say goodbye!
Friends Never say goodbye, they say hello!!
I'd like a diamond, I'd like some gold, I'd like a pearl,
Because I'm daddy's little girl :)
All things being equal, fat people use more soap.
Always tell the truth, even when you lie
A coward dies a thousand deaths, a soldier just dies the once
Every year more than 2500 left handed people are killed from using right handed products.
Gold-Lust!
I love cats...they taste just like chicken
Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.
Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.
Reality is the only obstacle to happiness.
Earn easy cash in your spare time by blackmailing friends.
Ask me about microwaving cats for fun and profit.
I said "no" to drugs, but they just wouldn't listen
Sarcasm is just one more service I offer.
The higher you are, the farther you fall
Dont steal, the government hates competition
Excerceise and Diet... But you still Die.
I fear no man, I've got a gun.
-=[Armed & Dangerous]=-
{Straight Outta Compton}
MySpaceBarIsBroken!!
Be nice to your kids, they choose your nursing home.
Save water, Drink beer.
Underground yet mainstream like Saddam Hussain.
IS it just me, or do monkeys taste like fish?
I came, I saw, I drank, I forgot.
War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
I bent my wookie.
Don't you think that reading nicknames is a waste of time?
-={Rule Breaker}=-
[Large and in charge]
Why be difficult, when with a bit of effort, you can be impossible?
Working is for people who don't know how to fish.
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.
He who laughs last thinks slowest.
There are many many ways of keeping fools occupied, one way is to use really long pointless nicknames.
==HellRaiser==
Avoid hangovers by staying drunk.
(#)SuNsHinE(#)'n'(*)StArS(*)
God made beer God made wine God made me so damn fine
If I want your opinion, I will rattle your cage.
Why are you looking at me like I'm weird?
Born 2 XLR-8
-=You better excercise caution and be ready to run - Like a scared punk from a smoking gun=-
My imaginary friend thinks your crazy.
Yesterday it worked, today it doesnt. Microsoft Windows is like that.
Reality is the only obstacle to happiness!
-Your still ugly, Pass me another beer-
A wise monkey never monkies with another monkey's monkey
Everytime I see ur face. I wish I was in outer space :P
(*)Theres always a light at the end of a tunnel, just pray its not a train(*)
I'm not lazy, I'm just happy doing nothing.
× nEvEr × wAnTeD× To Be × DiFFeReNt × I jUsT× wAnTeD ×To Be × mE ×
[One by one the penguins steal my sanity]
I'm not smiling at you, I'm just trying not to laugh. :)
Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
IM THINKING.... BUT NOTHINGS HAPPENING!
(*)iM nOt ShY..i JuSt DoNt LiKe YoU!(*)
Can I Have Ur Picture So I Can Show Santa What I Want For XMAS?
I thought that I could love no other. Until, that is, I met ur brother!
Love is like a baseball game 3 strikes and ure... OUT!
My pen is black, My ink is pale, My love 4 u.. will never fail!
When the sea is blue love will make a dream come true!
Give ure smile 2 every1 but... give ure heart 2 only 1!
To the world you are just one person but to one person you
could mean the world.
If Love Is A Crime I Would Be In Jail Forever
Dont try to figure me out, just love me for who I am!
Love is available here at 100% discount.
Roses are red Violets are blue Sugar is sweet and so are you..
My darling my love, my beautiful wife. Marrying you screwed up my life.
GuRlS ArE LiKe StArZ, ThErE ArE MiLlIoNs Of ThEm, BuT OnLy *1* Can MaKe YoUr DrEaMs CoMe TrUe!
* I loved u once, i love u still, i always have and always will*
You came into my life sent down from heaven, Now I think about you, 24/7
Loving you makes life worth it
When You and I met, angels whispered "Perfect!" !
ur looks, ur smile, ur kiss, ur style everythin bout u boy drives me wild
You know I love you, You know I care, Whenever you need me I will be there!
I Must Be Wishin' On Someone Else's Star, Because SHE Keeps Gettin' What I'm Wishin' For!!!
I like my guys like I like a basketball ~ one on one, with as little dribbling as possible
Two Words Guys Hate... Don't & Stop Unless you Put Em Together!
you dont have to talk about how great you are- let your actions do the talking
You think your cool, You think your fly, You kick it wit me, And you'll touch the sky
a break up is like a broken mirror.. it is better to leave it broken than hurt urself trying to fix it back together
Bassically don't stress ME..U can't Impress ME..I ain't a tease..I'm just a reminder of what u can't please!
~Whoever said that money can't buy happyness, ain't been shoppin at the right malls~!
**Have you ever noticed that the worst way to miss someone is when thay are right besides you and yet you cannot have them. ***
STICKS and STONES may HURT my BONES but WORDS will NEVER harm ME~ that AIN'T true- I would GIVE all MY bones TO never HAVE heard THE words THAT took YOU away FROM me
Its true you dont know what youve got until its gone, but its also true you dont know what youve been missing until it arrives!!!
"When one door closes, Another one opens, Sometimes We look so long at the closed door, We don't see the one that has opened..."
I dont have an Attitude Problem...Its supposed to be like this :) :P
"Im not a toy So Don't play with me!"
(N)Winning isn't everything, But losing is nothing! (Y)
(A)(*)Cheerleaders are angels cuz we're the only humans who can fly!(*) (A)
You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see, but u cant close your heart to things you dont want to feel.
I have a confession, I must confess, I was told I was the absolute best:P
(K)(L)Love wasn't love till i met you(L)(K) .
*neva say 4eva coz 4eva isnt real*
*4evas wut u think and 4evas what u feel*
*so if u say 4eva plz promise that ull try*
*but neva say 4eva coz 4eva makes me cry:'(* :(
Love Is Like Missing Someone When Ur Apart But Somehow Feeling Warm Inside Bcuz Ur Close In Heart
hot guys open my eyes... smart guys open my mind...
but only sweet guys open my (L)
(L)~YOU FALL IN LOVE ONCE, YOU FALL IN LOVE TWICE, THE LAST TIME YOU LEARN THAT BOYS AREN'T NICE~ (L)
you know im a hottie, but u know you just like my body
Think highly of yourself, for the world takes you at your own estimate!
*Tears Are Words The Heart Can't Say*
I'm On A Mission To Get Ove You....In Other Words *Mission Impossible*!!
*~* Girls cheat but we never get caught*~*
*~* I am Too Much *PRINCESS* for one boy *~*
True love are like ghosts, which everyone talks about but few have seen.
If you really cared, you would leave me alone!
Everyone gets a chance in the spotlight, you can have it when I'm done!
I looked him in the eye,looked down at his lips, moved closer to him and gave him a kiss.
Never try to teach a pig to sing... it will just waste your time and annoy the pig!
When ur X gets ova you in da blink of an eye You kno it was right to dump him and say Buh Bye!
~* BiG GuRLS DoN'T CrY ThEY GeT EvEN*~
i belive in angels because I am one!!
ur envy creates my energy, ever wonder y im so hyper?
(@)DaY WiThOuT LiGhT iS.. LiKe... WeLL... UmMM.. NiGhT!* (S)
't smoke, cause it'll make you choke .
:P didn't ask to be a princess, but hey if the crown fits!!!*:P
Dont be afraid of fear let it be afraid of you.
i dont need ur attitude i got i of my own
We weren't sisters by birth, but we knew from the start... fate brought us together to be sisters by heart!
God made the wind blow, god made the sun shine, but how the hell did he make you so fine!?
This fine guy opened my eyes.... Now my mind is paraliyzed....
Things maybe not what they seem but its just because life is messed up
The cutest kittens have the sharpest claws.
You are only young once, but you can stay immature indefinitely.
For love I'd do anything, for you, I'd do more..........
Theres a sparkle in your eye that only i see, and theres a place in your heart where only i wanna be
I look like an angel and act like one too...But u Never know what this Angel will do!
Every time I fall in love...I fall for someone new...Still I always find myself...falling back in love w/ you!!!
I was 2 bad 2 go 2 heaven, but when I was in hell I hit on the devil 2 much
Trying to be popular is not being true to yourself~
I DON'T THINK I AM HOT ...BUT IT'S WUT UR MAN KEEPS ON TELLING ME!
The only fool bigger than the one who thinks he knows it all it the one who argues with him
~*~ I'm the sweetest thang that you'll ever know.... So baby never let me go~*~
Success comes before work... only in the dictionary
if your happy and you know it .............get out of my house
If you love me let me know...Cuz if you dont...I dont know where to go..
It MiGhT hAvE bEeN tRuE, I dId LoVe YoU,bUt ThEn YoU cHaNgEd, So My LoVe ReArRaNgEd, YoU wEnT fOr My FrIeNd, sO i SaId ItS oVeR... tHe EnD.
*LiKe WhUt u SeE?? Call 1-800-YOU WISH!*
*Didn't wanna see this day come, all i wanna do is turn and run, didnt wanna have to cry, now he cant even look me in the eye... Well now its his turn tobe hurt, cuz i wont take bein treated like dirt! A girl will only take so much, and now hunny, your time is up!!*
iF YoU LiVe 2 bE 100 ..
i WaNNa LiVe 2 bE 100 - MiNuS - 1
So i WoN'T HaVe 2 LiVe a DaY
WiThOuT YoU
I loved you once I love you still I always have i always will
*Who do you turn too when the only who who can dry your tears is the one who made you cry*
you dont have to talk about how great you are- let your actions do the talking
~IN THE COOKIES OF LIFE, YOUR FRIENDS ARE THE CHOCLATE CHIPS~
Don't cry over anyone who won't cry over you.
I asked God for a flower he gave me a garden
I asked for a tree he gave me a forest
I asked for a river he gave me an ocean
I asked for a friend he gave me you :)
never fight with an ugly person~*~they have nothing to loose!!*~
Why does a rose represent love, when a rose always dies?(F)
tonite, i'll ask the stars above, how will i ever win u'r love, what do i do, what do i say, to turn your angel eyes my way?*
KISS ME IN THE LIGHT.......
LOVE ME IN THE DARK........
HOLD ME TILL THE END.....
AND I PROMISE I WONT BREAK UR HEART.
If its a good idea, go ahead and do it, its much easier to apologize then it is to get permission
you don't fail if you fall, you fail if you don't try to get up. (L)
is love when all is sane Sweet is death to rid the pain Cruel is death when all is well Cruel is love when all is hell
never fall in love with the guy next door....trust me he will move!
you think ur so cool-- u think ur all that-- well ppsshh--- whuts up with that?
If it were supposed to feel good they wouldn't call it a crush.
Don't go for looks, they deceive, don't go for money, wait, go for money then when its gone, move on to the next guy!
i dOn'T sWiM iN YoUr ToiLeT sO DoN't pEe iN My pOoL!
dont hate the player.....hang around him so you can get leftovers.....
I looked him in the eye,looked down at his lips, moved closer to him and gave him a kiss.
sarcasm keeps you from telling people what you really think of them
this day was a total waste of make-up
dont worry about knowing people, make yourself worth knowing
*ONLY 10% of MEN go to HEAVEN, cuz if they ALL* *went it WOULD be HELL!*
True friends are loving, true friends care, and at the end the true friends are always there.
You Know I'm a Cutie
&
You know you like my BOOTIE
Guys r Players... and thats a fact... Dont fall n love... just play 'em back!!
* i am only ( age ) but i act like 18 and to all my friends out there,you know what i mean** Us girls play around with with these things called boyz** But they use us girls as designated toys*!!*
*~If I had a star for everytime you brightened my day...I'd be holding the galaxy in my hands~*
Girls are like fireworks there kiss lights up the night there hugs make
everthing bright when they get mad they explode when they are happy they make everthing glow
Call me Beep me If ya wanna Reach Me
The more I cry I THINK OF YOU, Every now an then thats all I can do.Memories and pics is all I see,but me and you will forever be..
huked on foniks wurket fer me, kant cha tell?
im not a tease im just a reminder of what u can't have
If you judge people, you have no time to love them
until water cant be boiled, i will always be very spoiled !
I kNoW iVe AlWaYs BeEn BlEsSeD CaUsE Im A pReTtY pRiNcEsS
Too Many Star In The Skies * Too Many Tears that have Left My Eyes * Too many Boys out in the Blue * But they are Nothing compared to You
somewhere there's someone who dreams of your smile and finds in your presence that life is worthwhile so when you are lonely remember it's true somebody somewhere is thinking of you
anyone can catch your eye but it takes someone special to catch your heart
Fear is nothing but the anticipation of pain, be it physical, mental, spiritual or emotional.
Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.
I see you next to never, how can we say forever.. wherever you go, whatever you do, i will be right here waiting for you, whatever it takes, or how my heart breaks, i will be right here waiting for you..
~*~Don't tell me the sky's the limit, theres foot prints on the moon!~*~
Success comes before work... only in the dictionary !
Don't like my attitude? Call 1800-KISS-MY-ASS
Out of my mind. Back in five minutes
Unite against togetherness!
Reality Sucks! I’m Gonna Keep On Dreamin
If your name was homework, I'd be doing you on my desk right now...
No fear! (NAME) is here!
I Don’t Like The Drugs, But The Drugs Like Me
Life's a bitch. Be its pimp
I'm better than normal, I'm abnormal!
A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts
Intelligence could be instinct which has it at the wrong end
When life hands you a lemon, break out the tequila and the salt!
What is arrogance? Thinking you can compete with me!
I’ve lost my phone number, can I have yours?
Not me, not now, maybe later...
Life's a beach... Surf it up!
Trying is the first step towards failure
I think crime pays. The hours are good, you travel a lot
If it is tourist season, why can't we shoot them?
Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but milk do?
Smile and the world smiles with you. Fart and you stand alone
I'm more drunk than a three-legged chicken on a wet patch of ice!
When I'm good I'm very good but when I'm bad I'm better
To alcohol! The cause of and solution to all life's problems
WaNnA PLaY ArMy?? ... Ok! SiT BaCk AnD i'LL BLoW ThE HeLL OuT oF YoU!
I avoid temptation unless I can't resist it
I love work; it fascinates me; I can sit and watch it for hours
Booze may not be the answer, but it helps you to forget the question
Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?
There are no stupid questions, just stupid people
Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?
When cows laugh, does milk come out of their nose?
Gravity always wins
The easiest way to avoid a hangover is to just stay drunk
There are some that are wise and others that are otherwise
I'm not an alcoholic. I am a drunk. Alcoholics go to meetings
Buy land, they have quit making it!
Don't judge a man by his boxers, it's what's inside that counts
I'm not suffering from insanity, I'm enjoying every minute of it
Eat healthy, exercise more, still die
Politicians prefer unarmed peasants
Time is what keeps things from happening all at once
Women/Men who seek to be equal with men/women lack ambition
What happens if you get scared half to death... twice?
Smile, it makes people wonder what you're up too..
Opinions are like assholes... Everyone's got one, and they stink
Sometimes I wish I were you, just so I could be friends with me
Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most
If marriage is outlawed, only outlaws will have inlaws
I don't have to be careful, I've got a gun
Children in the dark cause accidents. Accidents in the dark cause children
Oh my god, you killed Kenny!
Panties aren't a mans best friend, but they are next to it
Statistics are used by people who have no proof
Divorce: from the Latin word meaning "to rip a man's heart out through his wallet
You'll never get rid of a bad temper by losing it!
If you act crazy all your life, they'll never be able to commit you
In the land of the skunks he who has half a nose is king
Whoever said money can't buy happiness, didn't know where to shop
I like to con and insult people, that's why I chose to become a Consultant
Mental Health is overrated
Be The Change You Wish To See
All generalizations are false
A clean dwelling place is the sign of a disturbed mind
This isn't school!
This is Hell with flourecent lighting
The funny thing about Common sense is that it's not very common
Honesty is the best policy, but insanity is a better defense
Next week there can't be any crisis. My schedule is full already
War does not determine who is right... but who is left
If you are drinking to forget, pay in advance
If at first you do not succeed, destroy all evidence that you ever tried
Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing
In the event of an emergency landing why do the people in the pamflet look so calm?
I can't wait to see how you look when I'm naked
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three rights do make a left
3 words to ruin a guys ego..is it in??
You can better lose a lover than love a loser
I'm only crazy when other people cant stand that I'm right
Women/Men are like public toilets, they are either taken or full of shit
Be nice to nerds. Chances are you'll end up working for one
Work harder: People on welfare depend on you
Me breaking the rules? No. I test their elasticity
Be back later...my dog ate my car keys....we are hitchhiking to the vet's office
We came, we saw, we drank beer
Geniuses are never understood in their own lifetimes
You can trust the government, just ask the Indians
Be nice to your children. For they will be choosing your nursing home someday
Don't drink and drive. You might spill your beer
Save water, drink beer
Everybody makes mistakes, thats why they put erasers on pencils
Mom + Dad + beer - condom = me
People who think they know everything are annoying to those of us who do
Conserve water, drink beer
The rich get richer and the poor get children
Don't breed them if you can't feed them
Drugs cause amnesia, and other things I can't remember
Harrasing me about my smoking may be hazardous to your health!
Marriage is not like war: You sleep with the enemy
Don't lead me to temptation... I can find it by myself
A good lawyer knows the law, a great lawyer knows the judge
The best way to get over someone is to get under someone else
Bad Spellers Untie!
You must master your joystick, as a fisherman masters bait
Those who know do not say, those who say do not know
The road to success is always under construction
I'm looking forward to regretting this
'Pessimist' is a word used by optimists to describe someone who sees the world for what it really is
Alcohol releases the inner retard in all of us...
Life is like a pack of chewing-gum; I've yet to figure out why
FrIeNd ShIp NaMeS
What is a friend? 1 soul in 2 bodies
There are no strangers, only friends you haven't met yet
If you tell someone you like people, they can't resist liking you back
He/She who has a thousand friends has not a friend to spare, who has one enemy will meet him everywhere
Misfortune shows those who are not really friends
Nothing changes your opinion of a friend so surely as success - yours or his
True friendship is a plant of slow growth
A good friend can tell you what is the matter with you in a minute
Without friends no one would choose to live, though he had all other goods
A friend who turns into a enemy has never been a frien
A faithful friend is the medicine of life
Friendship needs no words....
The best personal mirror is the opinion of a friend
Nobody like me, so I always have 1 friend
Two are better than one
A true friend tells you your faults in private
A true friend is someone who is there for you when he'd rather be anywhere else
True friendship never ends
Most people walk in and out of you life. But only friends leave footprints in your heart
Only your real friends will tell you when your face is dirty
As long as forever, I will stay by your side; I,ll be your companion, your friend and your guide
Friends are like condoms: they protect you when things get hard
Friends are like good bras: supportive, hard to find, and close to the heart
Fate chooses your relations, you choose your friends
Have no friends not equal to yourself
It is one of the blessings of old friends that you can afford to be stupid with them
We will be friends until forever, just you wait see
Side by side or miles apart, dear friends are always close to the heart
A real friend is someone who walks in when the rest of the world walks out
True friendship comes when silence between two people is comfortable
Life without friendship is like the sky without sun
Friendship often ends in love; but love in friendship--never
Friendship is a special kind of love
Friendship is a horizon which expands whenever we approach it
The secret to friendship is being a good listener
One loyal friend is worth ten thousand relatives
Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes
My best friend is the one who brings out the best in me
We are all alone untill we accept our need for others
A true friend stabs you in the front.
PlAIN OLD FUNII NAmES!!!
You're unique, just like everyone else....
Everybody has the right to be stupid but your breaking the rules!
Why do our noses run and our feet smell?
Save a mouse, eat a pussy
Keep Earth clean, it's not Ur-anus
Plan to be spontaneous tomorrow
Make love not war. Condoms are cheaper than guns
Don't do it behind the garden gate love is blind but the neighbours ain't!
When you judge others you dont define them you define yourself.. :-)
The more I learn, the more I forget. So why would I learn?
You're looking at perfection, and it ain't you!
Do blind eskimos have seeing-eye sled dogs?
If electricty comes from electrons, does morality come from morons?
Never wish on 1 star more than 1nce cause your luck ALWAYS runs out!
I know that you know that I know that you think I'm the best, that's why you never tell me
We both know I'm the best, that's why you never tell me
Women/Men are proof that women/men can take a joke
As long as my boss pretends that I'm earning much, I'm pretending that I work hard
An answer to that nagging question............... I let the dogs out!
What do an Icebear have after swimming? Snowballs!
Nobody like me, so I always have 1 friend
Girls/Boys are great, every boy/girl should own one
You know it's always business doing pleasure with you
If you throw rice at weddings, will asian people throw hotdogs?
One day, we will look back on this, laugh nervously, and change the subject
I'm not smiling at you, I'm trying not to laugh!
24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence? I think not…
I'm fat, but your ugly. I can diet
English! Who needs that? I'm never going to England!
You may laugh because I'm different but I laugh because you're all the same
If at first you dont succeed skydiving it isnt for you
Take a break like it is a sort of screen saver!
I am on the seafood diet. I see food and I eat it!
ScReW TwiZzLeRS!! i'LL MaKe YoUr MoUtH HaPPy!
I aint guilty, im just not innocent! ;-)
Can I get your picture? I collect nature disasters
For all you who talk about me, thanks for making ME the center of YOUR world!
I'm cool, I'm hot....I'm everything you're not
You and the bank own a very lovely home
I would tell ya to go to hell but all dogs go to heaven
I am not a vegetarian because I love animals; I am a vegetarian because I hate plants
Why don't sheep shrink when it rains?
You don't buy the drink here, you only rent it
Drinking is the answer, I don't remember the question
Superman is a travestite
Do they have reserved parking for non-handicap people at the Special Olympics?
I drink to make other people interesting
My life is like a porno-movie, without the sex
An unfortunate person is one tries to fart but shits instead
A miserable person is one who truly enjoys a fart but can't
Anarchists of the world, unite!
Why doesn't the fattest man in the world become a hockey goalie?
Don't be open-minded, your brains might fall out
Flying is simple. You just throw yourself at the ground and miss
On the other hand, you have different fingers
Who laughs last, thinks the slowest
Pizza is a lot like sex. When it's good, it's really good.
When it's bad, it's still pretty good
I'm a mistake - legalize abortion!
I hope life isn't a joke, because I don't get it
That money talks I don't deny... I just heard mine yell: Goodbye!!
Kids in back seats cause accidents, accidents in back seats cause kids
I'm not a follower... I'm a leader with the same idea
This is where Napolean beat his bone-a-part
First law of science: don't spit into the wind
I refuse to join any club that would have me for a member
If corn oil comes from corn, where does baby oil come from?
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted
If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent?
Even hot girls have to fart
I have great faith in fools; self-confidence my friends call it
Do you got with me get lost?
I know the way
It was a brave man who ate the first oyster
There are three types of economists. Those who can count, and those who can't
Sure, there's no "I" in team, but there is an "M" and an "E"
If my car was a horse, I would have to shoot it!
An idiot is a 44th floor window washer who steps back to admire hius work
Behind every successful woman, is a man who is surprised
I don't hate you, I just need someone to take my anger out on
I love deadlines, especially the whooshing sound they make as they go by
Whoever said nothing's impossible never tried to slam a revolving door
Haggis is a self cleaning meal. Leave it for a while and it will get up and walk away
A man that has never lied to a woman has no respect for her feelings
Who's cruel idea was it for the word "lisp" to have a "s" in it?
Why is it that the most unattractive people in this world insist on being nudists?
I'm not a dumb blonde! I'm knot! I'm knot! I'm knot!
I don't know if I'm a player. Ask one of my girlfriends
Virginity is like a bubble... One tiny prick and it's gone
If guys had their period, they'd probably brag about the size of our tampons
Fat people are harder to kidnap
If one synchronized swimmer drowns, does that mean they all have to?
Fat Girls are like Mopeds: fun to ride, but you don't want your friends to catch you
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten
I wear the pants in this house. My wife just tells me which pair to wear.
C yas L8terZ!
